My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
