How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
