So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
