Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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