sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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