getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Randomize
