After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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