its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
