my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
