Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
