im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
