We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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