Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
