the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
