like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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