Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
