do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
