Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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