Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
