i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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