Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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