I just cut my nipple shaving
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
