would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I want her autograph on my taint
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
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