just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
