i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
