Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
