i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
