feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
