He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
