I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize