I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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