I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
