It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
