what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
