You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Your topless pictures make me question reality
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
