btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
