seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
