Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
