Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
