At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
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