WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
