I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
