Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
