i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
