dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
