Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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