But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
