You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize