so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize