dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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