Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
