I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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