I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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