Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
