She said her name was "party"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
