Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
