I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
