A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
