dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
