you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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