I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I looked at my own cervix.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
