so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
