your parents love me but you hate me
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
