this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
