1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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