I've blown a few things in my day
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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