Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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